1st April - My late father birthday

I'm thinking about my father last night, because today  (Jumaat, 1st April would have been his 65th birthday.  I miss him so muchh... Al Fatihah.

He passed away 3 days after his bday... (4th April 2008..) Sally tgh preggy my 1st kid.. Adelina.. I still remember the day he saw my baby's scan photo.. Dia tenung lama... Seolah2 dia tahu.. dia tak sempat tgk cucu kepada anak bongsu nyer... oh abahhh... i miss u a lot... 

I remember the last time I looked into his face.. Sebelum jenazah di usung ke tanah perkuburan... Dia baring peacefully... berkain ihram.. wajah tenang itu... It's not something I particularly like to remember...but it's one of those moments that I cannot erase from my memory. 
8 years ago I posted about the day he died, and it seemed like maybe a good time to repost it, because it's all still true. You can read it here: Abah Pergi Meninggalkan Kami

Abah taught me the importance of family and sticking by one another no matter what. Enjoy the good times and leave the bad behind. Still remember... masa sally bermasam muka dgn Abe Hj Sufi.. biasa ler gaduh adik bradik zaman muda mudi... Abah dgn perangai yg slalu buat lawak dia.. asyik duk sindir "Balah.. balah... tak baik... Balah.. balah... tak baik... (dgn nada Labbaik Allah humma labbaik Labbaik la sharika laka labbaik.. )... end up kami gelak dan berbaik... My Abah.. slalu kelakar.. buat org gelak... i miss you Abah.... How I just wish I had learned more from you .

Abah also taught me what unconditional love is. He was not the one to come right out and say "I love you and he was not the lovey huggy kind of guy BUT he was the one to always be there... gv advise... time bila??? Bila dia minta Sally cabut uban dia... That was the best session together... when i can request apa2 jer yg sally nak.. (waktu bodek ni)... then waktu luahan perasaan... masalah... n he always gv advise indirectly.. i miss that moment.

I remember the day I graduated from UiTM... Masa diploma... 1st time pakai Jubah convo kan... It was my big day yet I went out and bought my Abah the new outfit (baju batik and even a pair of shoes). I saw the glint of pride in his eyes as he saw me dgn Jubah, scroll dan tangan sarat dgn bunga convo.. 5 bouquets of roses kut masa tu... huhuu..  

Abah...  The hole in my heart remains and I try to keep it plugged with memories of you and taking care of your precious wife. Kalaulah abah tahu... mama... ur wife.. tgh sakit tak boleh bergerak skrg... huhuhu.. But no worries Abah.. we will make sure mama really have a good care from 3 of us.. Sbb adik jauh.. so inshaAllah 2 mgu sekali adik akan balik.. Segala keperluan mama.. inshaAllah kami semua penuhi..

Abah's Shirt

I don't know how to express my feelings... that i really miss you Abah... Satu je pengubat rindu... your shirt... Since you're not here, i'll just wear your shirt. I wear your shirt to feel you next to me, Abah... Baju ni adalah baju terakhir yang adik tengok abah pakai... seminggu sebelum Abah meninggal.. Kami balik kampung... dan bila kami nak kembali ke KL, Abah hantar kami ke kereta... dan bye bye kami dr halaman rumah... smpi kereta pergi jauh... abah still berdiri dan pandang kereta kami bergerak.. Adik nmpk melalui cermin pandang belakang kereta.. Abah pakai baju ni.. Baju ni adik simpan.. dalam almari baju adik.. Lepas abah meninggal... tiada lain yang adik minta dari mama... hanya baju ini... I miss you abah...

So, on this first April.. on his birthday.. that he hasn’t been here, I will commemorate my Abah’s life with extra prayers and wishes for his soul to find peace. I hope that if you have read this, you might also send a good wish to Allah on his behalf.

“Indeed, we belong to Allah and to Him we shall surely return” (Quran: 2:156)

Still miss you, Abah. All the time.

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